Little By Little

Little by little. Step by step. Translated from the Indonesian phrase, "sediket demi sediket," this was the motto of the late Oklahoma women's tennis assistant coach Parker Ross.

Originally from Chicago, Parker played college tennis at Butler. After his playing career, he coached at the Five Seasons Tennis Club and the Lawrence Township Tennis Association in Indianapolis where he managed and organized junior tennis player programs and he mentored high school players in the USTA Junior circuit.

Ross 1 — **Ross spent his collegiate career at Butler, where he later served as assistant and head coach.**

Ross returned to Butler as an assistant coach for two years before taking over as head coach in 2012. In 2017 he was named Big East Coach of the Year and guided the Bulldogs to the conference championship and subsequently the program's first NCAA Tournament appearance in a decade.

That 2017 season was, perhaps, the manifestation of "little by little."

Prior to the start of the season, Ross went through a divorce; lost his grandmother, father and cousin; had to sell his house; sort out his father's estate; and in the meantime, coach a team and recruit new players.

It was during this time that Ross learned the phrase, "sediket demi sediket" from his sister-in-law, who is from Indonesia.

"He found great solace from it when just a month later his father died and he found himself executor of his estate," said Ross' mother, Robin.

"His dad had left a tangled mess of real and financial assets, and Parker was responsible for disposing of and distributing the proceeds, paying bills, getting the house ready to sell, et cetera - while at the same time he was trying to sell his own home, recruit players and coach."

Ross asked his sister, Ariel, to design a tattoo with the phrase so that when he looked in the mirror each day, he could remind himself every day not to be overwhelmed; that he could get through this if he just remembered to take things little by little.

"And he did make it through that difficult time with flying colors and went on to coach his team to its conference championship the next season," said Robin. "I know that was one of his proudest achievements as a coach. He came back from adversity better and stronger and was able to do that because he took it one step at a time, little by little."

But that time wouldn't be the last one of adversity for Ross. Following the 2018 season, Butler let him go. Ross took a year off from coaching tennis and traveled to Indonesia, where his motto originated.

"He came back from adversity better and stronger and was able to do that because he took it one step at a time, little by little."
-- Parker's mother, Robin Ross

In August 2019, Ross joined the OU women's tennis staff as a volunteer assistant.

"For him, I think to be entering on the women's side was something he felt really good about," said OU head coach Audra Cohen. "He was a really good mental toughness and emotion management leader. I think for the women's side was going to be a really good fit for him."

Ross quickly bonded with the team and helped them to a successful fall tournament season, even coaching Marcelina Podlinska to the title at the Dick Vitale Intercollegiate Clay Court Classic. Always an optimist, Ross instilled in the team how lucky they were to be playing college tennis and to value this time in their lives.

Ross coached Marcelina Podlinska (center) to the title at the Dick Vitale Intercollegiate Clay Court Classic. — **Ross (left) coached Marcelina Podlinska (center) to the title at the Dick Vitale Intercollegiate Clay Court Classic in November.**

"He would always tell us, 'I wish I was back in your shoes playing college tennis,'" said sophomore Skyler Miller. "In the hard moments, just remembering you might look back on this time and wish you could experience it again, so just enjoying those moments rather than focusing on the negative aspects."

The Sooners opened the 2020 spring season at the Miami Invite. Ross, of course, traveled with the team and was on court with the players throughout the tournament. Rather than flying back to Oklahoma when the event ended, Ross traveled to Colorado where he would interview for a full-time position at the University of Colorado.

The team wished him luck and anxiously awaited his return.

"He was an angel that was here to teach us all this lesson in life about how you have to be approaching life with a lot of gratitude.'"
-- Head coach Audra Cohen

"Whether he was going to take the job or not, he knew he was doing something he loved doing and we were going to fight Colorado for him to stay if they offered him because he made such an impact," said Oklahoma assistant coach Amy Sargeant.

It was during a tour of the Buffaloes' tennis facility, remarking on the beauty of the Flatirons mountains that overlooked the courts, that Ross suffered a massive stroke.

"I was walking to class and I thought, 'I'm going to send him a text saying, hey, good luck in your interview,'" said senior Jasmine Asghar. "And I thought, 'you know what, I'm going to leave it because he'll come and tell us tomorrow.' And then we heard about him collapsing and we didn't really think anything of it … we didn't really realize the seriousness of the whole situation."

Ross was transported to Denver, where doctors performed a craniectomy to relieve some of the pressure on his brain. Despite their best efforts, the doctors were unable to stop the bleeding and relieve pressure on the brainstem. Two days later, surrounded by his family, Ross, age 36, was pronounced brain dead.

Just hours after learning they had lost their coach, the Sooners had to travel to North Carolina for ITA Kickoff Weekend. Not going was not an option; knowing that Ross would have wanted them to give the weekend their all. They held tight to his motto and little by little as they played two hard-fought matches.

Since then, the Sooners have worn patches on their uniforms on their uniforms that bare Parker's name and the words "sediket demi sediket" to honor their coach.

"He was an angel that was here to teach us all this lesson in life about how you have to be approaching life with a lot of gratitude," said Cohen. "He shared his genuine positivity with everyone around him and we are so grateful for his profound impact on our Sooner family … For Parker, OU was part of his journey, 'little by little,' to living his passion in a positive way."

A celebration of life service for Ross is scheduled for Friday, Feb. 28 in Indianapolis. The OU women's tennis team, which will play at Purdue the following day, will be in attendance.

Ross_team