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Frayer's Career Culminating at the Olympics
July 27, 2012 | Wrestling
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Olympic Central | 
It is his daughter who put him back on the mat.
Recently married with his first child on the way with plans to end his competitive career in a blaze of glory before devoting his time to his soon-to-be arriving daughter, he stepped off the mat as the runner-up at the 2010 U.S. World Championship Team Trials to Brent Metcalf.
"(It was) kind of a stinging loss," Frayer remembered. "That was going to be my last year of competition. I was going to go to the World Championships, wrestle and be done."
The irony was that Frayer spent the nine months prior making Metcalf a better wrestler. Frayer's job in 2009 was as the strength and conditioning coach for University of Iowa wrestling. He was part of the Hawkeyes' undefeated season and Metcalf, a two-time NCAA champion and three-time All-American, became the first to be named the Big Ten Conference outstanding wrestler in consecutive years.
In the best-of-three championship, Frayer and Metcalf fought an epic series. It ended in controversy.
The two wrestlers split the opening bouts and then the first two periods of the decisive round. At the close of a scoreless third period, Frayer started the 30-second overtime in the technically advantageous offensive position of the leg clinch. After each wrestler was called for an intentional foul, Metcalf kicked out of the third attempt before Frayer locked his arms and scored a takedown. A red cube bounced across the mat, thrown by one of Frayer's coaches challenging the call that was immediately replayed on the arena's videoboard. The referee held up his right arm, which wore a blue wristband, and Frayer bared the dreadful emotions.
Frayer was runner-up at the world championships trials in 2006 and 2009, third in 2005 and fourth in 2007. He took fifth place at the 2008 Olympic Trials. His Team USA résumé repeatedly listed practice partner.
"I lost that match and took a year off and got my mindset a little bit better. Second place was not fun. I was just shot and ready to be done. I was going to take a year off and be a dad and figure that out first."
Frayer returned to his alma mater as an assistant coach, bringing his wife, Nicole, and daughter, Khloe, back to Oklahoma and comfortable surroundings. The conquest of becoming a wrestling champion was put on hold, and all but finished.
Fast forward to April 22, 2012.
Frayer and Metcalf are back together in Iowa City. A total of 13,712 packed Carver-Hawkeye Arena, a venue where Metcalf had never been beaten, for the final matches of the U.S. Olympic Wrestling Trials. As much as the crowd was supporting the red, white and blue, it was wearing black and old gold.
"The 2012 Trials experience was something that I've never felt before, a confidence and kind of calm I've never had before in a tournament. It was maybe a scene like you see only in Russia or Iran where you have that many people in the stands against you. It just motivated you."
Frayer won the first bout and was leading 2-1 late in the second. Metcalf evened the score with a takedown and the crowd erupted as they believed their hometown favorite had won. But this time it was Frayer's hand, whose two-point move trumped Metcalf's two one-pointers, raised by the referee.
"It was something I had seen a million times in my head. I was just in the right place. I knew all these years of second place and struggle, it had all come together. It had all come to fruition at the right time. I just had this calmness about me that I could go out there."
At 33 years old, Frayer's dream of becoming an Olympian at last became reality.
It was a comeback inspired by an appetite for challenging adversity. While the past was filled with setbacks and second chances, Frayer's latest determination was closely inspired.
Khloe Frayer has Down syndrome.
At 18 months, the speed of her crawl and pitch of her squeals rivals any toddler, but Khloe will undoubtedly face hardships throughout her life. Her cognitive functions and growth will be stunted. Her intellectual capacity will be underdeveloped. And now when her father has to prove that she can overcome her obstacles, he'll have his own story to tell.
"I just think especially with Khloe having Down syndrome and knowing her struggles, that is one of the big reasons I came back to wrestle. With the confidence of just being a dad that when you come home she's going to be there, you're going to lead a life that you're going to live up to. I didn't want to take for granted what I had and the situation that I had and the ability to compete and also at this age.
"I don't want to teach her lessons that I didn't live out myself. I want to teach her that you use everything that you've got until you can't use it anymore."
On the final day of the 2012 Olympic Games, August 12, Frayer will take on the world to become a better father.
"It is a situation where I know it is my last. There have been a lot of years of wrestling and I'm not going to go out there and just be excited to be there. My dream was to win an Olympic gold medal, not just be an Olympian. I have a job to do."
Frayer also serves as a father figure in his wrestling role. He's the freestyle squad's senior member with five years on the next oldest, another former Sooner, Sam Hazewinkel.
"I'm the only guy that has a full-time job on the team; that has a family. Most of my workouts were with other guys on the (OU) team during practice. I didn't have my own workout schedule. I had to coach and spend time in the office doing things that most Olympians aren't doing. So you've got to do things a little smarter, have faith in your body that you know what is going on and give it rest."
The diversions have allowed Frayer to keep from being caught up thinking about the grand stage waiting in London, but he said tears might flow at the opening ceremonies or his final weigh-in.
"Yes, I'm going to enjoy the experience; I'm going to take it all in. I'm the underdog. I'm not supposed to win, you know. And that's when I think I'm at my best, when I don't have any pressure on me. I'm going to take that mentality in with confidence and sure enjoy the ride, but I'm going there to win."
In Olympic freestyle wrestling, the qualification, semifinal and medal rounds are all in the same day. Whether it is in the morning, afternoon or, hopefully, evening when his shoes remain on the mat as he walks away, Frayer's gold-medal achievement awaits his homecoming.
And when he returns to Norman, he'll not only have Khloe to tell his tale, but also his newest, biggest fan. Nicole delivered the couple's second daughter, Beckett, on July 21.
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